Hi sweety ! - ( please excuse my lack of formality ) ; the very BEST i can tell you IS try and get some therapy. I would have saved myself a lot of time and grief if, in my day, i would have listened to the advice i’m freely extending you now.
If you have no money, nowadays there’s plenty of therapists who will attend to your needs for next to nothing. Some people say : ” Therapy ? Not for me ! It’s not about me, but about what you people call society, and a zillion problems that are hardly ever mentioned ! “
That could very well be true. But right now, what urges you most is : get out of the ditch ! Wise men say : “ Out of two evils, choose the lesser one. ” And so it is.
Therapy will give you the tools to be yourself. There’s no two of you. Just one. And what God creates Is always Wonderful ! ( That holds even if you don’t believe in Him ; let me put it this way, in that case : Nature does not make two beings exactly alike. And like God, Nature works wonders ! )
So do as i suggest. Let me warn you though : there’s no quick fix. You have to cooperate with the therapist - and i underlinecooperate. Which in no way means hand yourself over completely to what he/she suggests.
Remember : You have a very personal contribution to make to Life. No one can do it like you can - no, not even close. So under therapy you have to bring out the best in YOU - the therapist is just a tool for that. Like a good sculptor has been known to say : ” I don’t work out on stone my ideas. The stone itself tells me what it is - who it is - and I just chip away, until she says : Yep ! That’s me ! “
One last thing, and a very important one : CHOOSE ( yes, CHOOSE ! ) a person, as therapist, with whom you feel at ease, and with whom you can COMMUNICATE. It’s sort of like choosing a new friend. You NEED to have RAPPORT with him/her. If you don’t have that, it’s useless to even start.
OK, i laid out some ground rules for you…Now, YOU have to take over and do your part.
Remember this : How do you start a 100 mile walk ? By taking the first step ! That’s it ! Best of Luck,